Everything Bad That is Good for You

A lot of food items we once thought were bad for us, are now good for us. Things like caffeine, chocolate, cheese, beefsteak and red wine now have scientifically documented health benefits, and can again be consumed in public without feelings of guilt and self-loathing.

Doesn't it seem logical that our taste buds are our friends and have been trying, all along, to tell us what is good to eat and what is not?

Isn't it time that we listen to our common senses like sight, touch and taste? For years people have eaten things that look, feel and taste funny, like oysters.

Oysters are purported to have certain invigorating and healthful properties, aside from invoking the gag reflex in many people. It has always been recommended that these squishy mollusks be consumed with plenty of lemon juice, garlic, pepper, horseradish and tobasco, which gives you an idea of how good they must really taste to people who pretend to enjoy them.

Another food I have always found suspicious is Brussels Sprouts, which are unborn cabbages, grown on tall, space-saving stalks in Belgium, because Belgium is a small country which does not have room to grow full size cabbages. Anything that tastes like Brussels sprouts is obviously trying to warn us NOT to eat it. Have you ever seen Belgians eat Brussels sprouts? Of course not. They eat big waffles with whipped cream on them.

Dietary health claims have been flip-flopped back and forth over the years, until the "everything in moderation" advice seems wiser than ever. However, we should probably consume things like caffeine, chocolate, beefsteak and red wine enthusiastically and in great quantities NOW, while they are still good for us and before science changes it's mind again, sending us back to Brussels sprouts and oysters. I am eagerly awaiting a definitive scientific study revealing the incredible health benefits of French fries.

While on the subject of wise old sayings like the moderation one, think about: "You are what you eat." Would you rather be an ice cold jellylike blob, smelling faintly of fish in a pool of tabasco, a tightly wrapped little wrinkly green globe smelling faintly of methane gas, or a gloriously rich and decadent chocolate truffle filled with amaretto creme? Yes, me too.

On the other hand, things that were once considered good for us are no longer on the "A" list. Back in the 30's it was thought that yeast was a good nutritional supplement for children because it provided a sizable dose of iron.

Liver was another iron source which was universally disliked by children who were forced to eat it because children were starving in India, where many people don't eat meat anyway.

Cod liver oil was also pushed as a good supplement.According to comparative growth charts, American children did start getting taller and heavier at about this time, as well as smelling a bit fishy. We still do not know if the yeast was making them rise or if the iron was making them heavier.

Even further back, in the 1850's when patent medicines were becoming prolific, foul tasting potions called "stomach bitters" were considered to be an effective digestive aid. The fact that they tasted perfectly dreadful was no big deterrent to their use. Even the fact that they were called "bitters" didn't dissuade people who regarded them as healthful.

Of course their 50-80% alcohol content and their tendency to have a somewhat laxative effect, may have made people feel a bit better one way or another.

These days with more choices available to us than at anytime in history, it should be possible for us to make excellent nutritional selections. We no longer have to be restricted to oysters and Brussels sprouts. Its possible to choose mussels and broccoli, or clams and arugula.

The other day while wheeling my cart through the grocery store, it seemed that several people around me were loading up on whole grain products, fresh vegetables, and other purportedly healthful choices. It was encouraging to see people making such wise selections, but they were probably not yet aware of the latest findings about chocolate covered creme filled snack cakes.

Suddenly I had the paranoid feeling that all of them were looking at my twinkies.